The Hollywood Rent-A-Beard Agency must’ve just signed a deal with Sports Illustrated, because Jake Gyllenhaal’s last piece was SI Swimsuit model Emily DiDonato and his newest piece is SI Swimsuit model Alyssa Miller (seen above doing the “OHMYGAWD I Can’t Believe My Top Fell Off!” pose that models learn on the first day of class at Barbizon).
Page Six says that Jake and Alyssa (who kind of looks like a mash-up of every CW actress and Mary Hart) ate lunch food together at Dutch in NYC last week and that obviously means that he’s bearded up. Sometime between their lunch last week and today, Jake and Alyssa “made out” at a coffee place in Chelsea. I know, I won’t believe any of this until I see Jake and Alyssa touching tongues in a completely staged photo-op that was set up by his publicist. That’s the only way I’ll believe.
So while Leonardo DiCatchAHo is flipping through the Victoria’s Secret catalog and ordering Angels for every season, Jake Gyllenhaal is flipping through SI: Swimsuit Edition choosing his next beard. Why do Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated models get all the bearding jobs? Why isn’t there ever any love for the flowers of my personal favorite classy lingerie emporium Wicked Temptations?! I really hope Tommy Girl orders his next beard from Wicked Temptations, because if the modeling world is a garden then the models of Wicked Temptations are the dew drops on the petals of a freshly bloomed orchid.